Sleeping With The NME

The NME, that bastion of indie-cool, has just held its annual award ceremony. A time to reflect on the past year’s musical highs, and to stick two fingers up at the corporate back-slap fest that is the previous week’s Brit Awards. Except, as has been a worrying trend for the past few years, the NME has failed to make any such gesture. Instead we are treated to a procession of winners at both awards that are pretty much interchangeable, and most worryingly they are nearly all signed to the big four major labels.

So, the big awards are going to the big four labels at both the mainstream and the alternative award ceremonies leaving the underground scene and the struggling indie labels where exactly? Left to scrape away at the public consciousness like an errant beggar scrounging for coins whilst overpaid banking fatcats nonchalantly stroll past on their way to another meeting, brunch or mutual masturbation session.

The NME should be ashamed of itself. Here is a magazine that celebrates in its position as the first port of call for young music fans to discover the artists (yes I’m pretentious enough to consider musicians artists) that will have a lifelong impact on them, yet the magazine is more than happy to get into bed with the major labels whilst they collectively stick their heads beneath the covers and praise each other’s rancid farts.

Now, of course, the majors are more than capable of sticking out a half decent record or two, it would be churlish to suggest otherwise.  The Kings Of Leon proved it by winning awards across the board for their breathtakingly created fourth album ‘Only By The Night’, whilst Elbow were also honoured by both the Brits and the NME in a long overdue acknowledgement of their consistently high contributions to the UK music scene. However, although you can forgive The Brits for their inability to see beyond the gleaming towers of the West London music industry (they are part of the same system), why is it the NME fails to offer a credible alternative? There’s plenty of great music out there that would relish the exposure and yet the New Musical Express chooses to play it safe with an almost identikit selection of winners to is supposedly more mainstream cousin.

Here’s a rundown of the major winners at both:

Godlike Genius/Outstanding Contribution - The Cure/Elbow (NME) Pet Shop Boys (The Brits)

Best British Band - Oasis (NME) Elbow (The Brits)

Best International Band - The Killers (NME) Kings Of Leon (The Brits)

Best Solo Artist - Pete Doherty (NME) Paul Weller/Duffy/Kanye West/Katy Perry (The Brits)

Best New Band - MGMT (NME) Duffy (The Brits)

Best Live Band - Muse (NME) Iron Maiden (The Brits)

Best Album - Kings Of Leon (NME) Duffy/Kings Of Leon (The Brits)

Best Track - MGMT - Time To Pretend (NME) Girls Aloud - The Promise (The Brits)

Tip for 2009 - The Big Pink (NME) Florence And The Machine (The Brits)

What strikes me the most about this list is that once you really take it all in it appears The Brits have actually made the ballsier choices. Perennial godfather of whatever scene the indie kids are chattering about Paul Weller over tabloid-courting walking mess Pete Doherty, Kings Of Leon over The Killers and their maddening descent into U2-esque pretention, Iron Maiden over fucking Muse again! (I hate that band), Elbow over Oasis – all much more surprising choices for The Brits Academy. And don’t get me started on Girls Aloud winning best single. A brave, wise and thoroughly deserved choice (and no, I’m not joking). But that’s what The Brits is there for – to celebrate the big mainstream acts and let the folks that watch it on ITV and only buy 2 albums a year know what they should be putting on their Xmas list. The NME shouldn’t be following suit, it should be looking further afield, should be supporting the very underground scene that helped it blossom into the world’s leading music weekly, should simply be better.

Who would I have picked? Well – I’m still gonna go quite safe and there’s still a spot for a few major label acts but I think the following would be a whole lot more interesting and would give some well deserved exposure to a few less well established acts. Except Radiohead of course, they deserve something just because they rule.....

Godlike Genius – Super Furry Animals

Best British Band – Radiohead

Best International Band – TV On The Radio

Best Male Solo Artist – Beck

Best Female Solo Artist – Ladyhawke

Best New Band – Neon Neon

Best Live Band – Les Savy Fav

Best British Album – Late Of The Pier – Fantasy Black Channel

Best International Album – No Age – Nouns

Best Track – Fucked Up – Year Of The Pig

Tip for 2009 – Pulled Apart By Horses

Rant over. Let me know what you think.

Speak soon

Steve

 

  

 

  

Never trust a major to do an indie's job

Failed to get his down on Friday due to excessive hangover and a mountain of more business-orientated tasks to complete but thought I’d let you all know about my evening in the company of world-straddling record company monolith Universal Records and their newly signed acts of 2009.

The night started shittily enough with a mild snow storm and some cold ass winds blowing around my newly shorn head but once I’d arrived at the auspicious venue for the night’s proceedings, the palatial Bush Hall, I was greeted by free booze and copious quantities of gourmet hotdogs, nice to see the Credit Crunch hasn’t affected the catering - good start.

First up - Gary Go - introduced as a “one man Coldplay” (I counted four musicians on stage so I’m not sure Universal’s forte lies in basic arithmetic) - a Bono-lite peddling pedestrian anthems rammed full of nausea inducing bluster and bombast . If I see a more punchable face in the Top 40 this year I’ll be surprised.

Next, new blues/jazz singer Melody Gardot who looked remarkably like Anastacia without the hint of a sex change. Musically she followed the tried and tested Eva Cassidy route even ending on her own interpretation of ‘Over The Rainbow’ - who says originality’s dead?

Third came I Blame Coco who happens to be the offspring of Sting - funny I thought you didn’t ejaculate during all that tantric sex…..Anyway, I was reminded by an old friend that Sting famously only listens to his own music and on the evidence of his daughter’s output, it seems that so does she. Same voice, same mannerisms same bloody tunes…..just what we need.

Amusingly The Noisettes featured next who, if I’m not mistaken (and I’m not), have already had an album out on Universal sub-label Mercury so are hardly a new act (I found out later that they had been dropped and re-signed so technically were a new signing - hmmmm). Despite lead singer Shingai Shoniwa attempting to out alien Grace Jones with her rather bizarre choice of haircut, The Noisettes still knocked out some rather half-arsed electro pop tunes that suggest that they may feel the huge Universal boot up the jacksy for a second time

Talking of weird hair, finally we were treated to La Roux, who having tipped already this year I was looking forward to catching. Her three tunes didn’t disappoint, particularly former single - synth-fest ‘Quicksand’ - which still held enough Prince-tinged thrills to, at last, make me raise a smile.

So that’s Universal’s hot new tips for 2009 and god help us if that’s all they have to offer. No doubt the huge marketing machine will deliver some fine sales for each but I can safely say that, save La Roux, I’ll be avoiding this little lot like the plague for the rest of the year.

Yours gripely

Steve

Last night an ageing indie kid ruined my life

Last night I witnessed one of the wrongest (I know it’s not a real word) things I’ve seen since Cartman giving Ben Affleck a hand-job in an episode of South Park. The sight of former Smiths guitar-slinger Johnny Marr getting down with “the kids” alongside his new band mates The Cribs was both surreal and harrowing.

Now, I’m no fan of The Smiths (pseudo-intellectualism and average tunes) but to see a man who was half of one of the most celebrated writing partnerships in modern music slumming it with a second tier indie band just didn’t sit right. Where once he had Morrissey’s poetry he now shares the boards with a band who finish 85% of the choruses with “uh oh oh oh”, where The Smiths dictated fashion for students throughout their 80s, The Cribs have haircuts that make them look slightly retarded.

I’ve never really had anything against The Cribs – some nice enough tunes and they did rope in Sonic Youth’s Lee Ranaldo for their last album (plus points for anyone), but last night the sight of Marr hip-shaking it through their hour and a half set made me view them with less complementary eyes.  When lead singer Ryan Jarman started slating indie-runts The View all I could think was -  you pretty much sound the same but with more feedback. When he chastised the security for throwing out a stage invading fan I was left feeling that they really should have stopped playing the moment he got kicked out and refused to go on until he was let back in, not waited two songs to have a word. Better still he should have done a Kurt Cobain and actually started wrestling with them. Later on, the band did manage to get some fans onstage which has been reported in the press today as some punk rock statement but I couldn’t help but think that it was too little too late – and it all felt a little safe. Even the brilliant ‘Hey Scenesters!’ made me proclaim “oh, the irony”.

So it got me thinking – can misjudged collaborations affect your respect/love/mild-liking for a band? The answer is obviously yes but what are the worst examples?

Here are my top 5 worst team-ups ever:

1.       Jimmy Page and Leona Lewis performing ‘Whole Lotta Love’ at the Beijing Olympics – guitarist in possibly the greatest heavy rock band of all time, meets charisma-free Cowell protégée. Only matched for horrendousness by the sight of David Beckham kicking a ball from a double decker bus.

 

2.       Beth Ditto and Mika performing ‘Standing In The Way Of Control’ at The Brits – From credible art-rocker to corporate whore in less than 3 minutes just by stepping on stage with one of the most annoying pop stars of the last 50 years. Expect a slating in the NME for the next album....and hopefully an end to Mika’s career (fingers crossed)

 

3.       Mick Jagger and David Bowie ‘Dancing In The Streets’ – two icons of British music miss the mark entirely with this Martha and the Vandellas cover and what the fuck where they wearing in the video? I know it was the 80s but Bowie looks like a flasher and Jagger....words fail me – this man sang ‘Gimme Shelter’ possibly the most jaw-droppingly awesome song of all time, I feel violated.

 

4.       Robbie Williams and Nicole Kidman – Somethin’ Stupid – not affecting my appreciation of a musician as I will always loathe Williams with every fibre of my body but Kidman is a brilliant actress and the way she slated Tom Cruise’s height after their divorce was priceless. Why she would want to sully her good name by teaming up with the ‘fat-dancer’ from Take That is beyond me.

 

5.       Akon and Eminem – Smack That – the world’s greatest White Rapper helps out the human-chipmunk and pretty much obliterates all the credibility he’d built up. Lame rhymes and that annoying voice come together in probably raps worst collaboration ever.

later

Steve