Every Loser Wins

I always wanted to be an NME writer.

It may seem slightly pathetic an ambition now that it has become ‘Smash Hits’-for-the-tight-jeans-brigade, but as a teenager it was my bible. When ‘Cooper Blue’ was named their album of the year in 1992, it was straight down Our Price with a crisp tenner and a grin of anticipation not seen since Prince removed those ribs and gazed downwards....

As a fledgling journalism student I spent innumerable ladyfriend-less hours slumped over an old word processor, dragging on endless cigarettes and swigging from a bottle of cheap Tesco whiskey, splurging ream after ream of literary onanism. Review after review gushed from my bulging mind encompassing bands as diverse as Bis, The Longpigs, Oasis, Korn and Portishead. I heard albums for the first time that have gone on to be lifelong favourites (Built To Spill’s ‘There’s Nothing Wrong With Love’ and Pulp’s ‘A Different Class’ spring to mind right away), and I also bore witness to some of the most heinous acts of musical barbarism ever committed to wax.  

The worst you ask? Without a doubt, ‘The Joy OF Tex’ by The Wealthy Texans, at a time when I was quite happy to indulge in a spot of Menswear, this stood out as the pinnacle of turgid crap. A musically inept, directionless waste of my time and that of its creators.

Why this particular blog then? Well I was remembering that Texan offering (I imagine they never really lived up to the Wealthy attachment) just the other day and I embarked on a journey to compile a selection of albums I have loathed over the years. Records that although commercially and critically successful, no matter how hard I try, I just really, really hate....

Pink Floyd – Dark Side Of The Moon - I know, I know  - it’s supposed to be a classic but the fact of the matter is, unless you’re stoned, it sounds like shit.

Ocean Colour Scene – Mosley Shoals – that video with them on the scooters drove me nuts. The album pushed me over the edge – this is what gave indie a bad name and paved the way for countless horrible lad-rock bands.

Amy Winehouse - Back To Black – Just because every time I hear a song I think of all those tabloid headlines. The story should never overshadow the music.

Kate Nash – Made Of Bricks – “cause they are much fittahh” – the single worst moment in any song, ever.

Iglu And Hartly – And Then Boom – these guys are a joke right? It’s like an extended Beadle’s About and someone is going to give us the punchline soon......hopefully

Kate Bush – Ariel – it’s all terrible but that 'Washing Machine' song made me think that doing my laundry may be preferable to listening to the music.

Babyshambles – Down In Albion – Libertines were ok, this was not.

PJ Harvey - Uh Huh Her – the worst live act I’ve ever seen (I've walked out of her gigs twice) and this album was a low point in an otherwise pretty solid recording career.

Kasabian – Empire - Because ‘Shoot The Runner’ and ‘Empire’ are two of the dumbest songs ever written.

The Fratellis – Costello Music – oh dear god, this is just horrible, horrible, jaunty, lyrically banal dross – please go away.

The Killers – Sam’s Town – where did the classic indie disco anthems go? Anyone who thinks sounding like Springsteen and U2 is a good thing pretty much should just give up on music.

Muse – Black Holes And Revelations – The most overblown, pompous band in existence today. And to all those who say “But they are soooo good live” I counter with, “why would I go and see a band live when all their songs are shit?”

Razorlight – Slipway Fires – I’m not one to jump on a bandwagon as I had a wee soft spot for their previous efforts and I really like ‘Wire to Wire’ but the rest of the album. Is. Just. Awful.

Toploader – Onka’s Big Moka – I have very bad memories of this album. I won’t go into it.

Moby – 18 – ‘Play’ was cool.  This was a sad re-hash.

Mansun – ‘Little Kix’ – when my best mate bought this we turned it off after 4 songs and took it back to the store  – that bad.....

I’ll add more as and when I think of ‘em, but in the meantime let me know those albums that you could so easily live without.......

I'm off down the boozer to erase these "musical" memories

Steve

Do You Remember The First Time?

What better feeling is there than that first moment you put on a new record? The buzz of needle on vinyl, the anticipation of fresh sounds that will fill your head for the next hour; spine tingling moments when melodies hit and you verge on breaking down in tears. Ok, it doesn’t quite compare to the first time you get a new partner naked...but it’s pretty damn close.

My first experience of that euphoria (via music not nudity) came with the satisfying clunk of inserting a tape of ’Nevermind’ into my ghetto blaster at the age of 15. With fascination for gangsta rap and the folks’ old 45s long gone fresh excitement emerged via Faith No More, Soundgarden and Dinosaur Jr, but only with Nirvana’s sophomore effort came the realisation of just how much hold music would have over my life.

From that day on I was hooked on a constant quest to relive that moment. It happens every few years or so, the laddish brit-rock of ’Definitely Maybe’ had me swaggering, the incomparable genius of 'Relationship Of Command’ brought  enlightenment, the assault of 'Visqueen’ literally made my jaw drop whilst 'Lapalco’ re-affirmed my belief in the simple power of songs. I felt dirty but elated when first listening to 'Gentlemen', wanted to form a band after hearing 'Let's Stay Friends' and started to believe there was a god when hearing 'Chutes Too Narrow'. Sublime reference points in my musical education that have stood out above all others like Obama’s crushing of the Republicans at the US elections. Unforgettable.  

2009 will be no different. Dinosaur Pile-Up and Kong are two new bands that already have me salivating whilst new albums from Franz Ferdinand, Eagles Of Death Metal and The Von Bondies may provide that thrill I got when first sticking on 'Nevermind’ all those years ago. And what other delights await me over the coming 12 months? I’m not a fortune teller so I haven’t got a clue but I tell you one thing, I can’t bloody wait to find out.......

So over to you, let me know what your first “defining moment” record was and what you’re looking forward to next year.....

Have a great week

Steve

A time for giving...

I hate the end of the year. It’s cold and miserable, it’s dark when I have to trudge home from work and, most importantly, there are fewer and fewer interesting albums released to help me cope with the increasing cloud of gloom emerging over my head.

November and December is owned by the major labels and their desire to “shift units” over the Christmas period. Your major high street retailers follow suit, only displaying the latest best ofs from established pop artists, hyped follow-up albums from some land-fill indie monstrosity or, most horrifically, the latest X-Factor talent-void that has been groomed for the season.

This year is no different – Keane, Razorlight and The Killers have all produced another mediocre album that will safely sell by the bucketload and impress no one whilst Xtina and Simply Red churn out their best ofs and even Jason Donavan (WTF?!) and Dido return to muscle in on the only time of year when they are likely to sell any records. Come on, you know if you’re desperate to finish your shopping on Christmas Eve you’ll be picking up Status Quo’s greatest hits for your dad and the debut from that ridiculous fella with the bleached hair who was a runner-up on X-Factor for your dear old ma...we’ve all done it and we should all hang our heads in shame.

But there lies the trouble, its easy money for the major labels and the big high street stores. They pile ‘em high and watch them fly out the door faster than Russell Brand leaving a young damsel's quarters  after a Daily Mail hate mob turns up with pitchforks and flaming torches. Consumers lap up whatever over marketed piece of schlock is put in front of them and the labels/retailers are happy to spoon feed it to us.

So this Christmas I urge you all to dig deeper for those stocking fillers. Put down that Il Divo CD for auntie Maggie and the latest from Britney for your lil’ sis and try and find a better alternative. Whether it be the return after nearly 20 years from Grace Jones, or the brilliant 21^st Century blues from Don Cavalli, the ace girl group garage of the Vivian Girls or the Fugazi meets Mclusky awesomeness of We Versus The Shark, there are plenty of options out there that might not be the first thing you spot when you pop into your local supermarket to buy a turkey and those last minute gifts.

You never know next year you might find the front racks of your local record emporium have put a ban on High School Musical 4 and the fifth re-packaged Abba greatest hits to actually sell something you want to hear.

Bar humbug

Steve

That Friday Feeling

It's Friday afternoon and I've been rummaging through the new releases for Monday, earnestly searching for a new minor classic that won't leave my stereo for the coming weeks. The early frontrunner is the "second" (the band say it shouldn't be classed as an offical sophomore release) album from Los Campesinos!. Their debut from earlier this year has been one of the highlights of the new Welsh underground in recent times and alongside the likes of Future Of The Left, The School and Bullet For My Valentine have made me nostalgic for my previous life as a Journalism student in Cardiff.

I'm gutted to have missed out on tickets for Built To Spill's gig at Koko in a week's time where they will be performing the whole of 'Perfect From Now On' their classic, and often overlooked, album from 1997. I've never been able to pick up a copy on CD before so thankfully Monday's re-issue will redress the balance.

Being a godawful DJ I sometimes like to delve into the world of mix CDs. Having been a fan of the Soulwax offshoot 2manyDJs, I'm pretty excited about the new Girl Talk release. It may not be cutting edge anymore but fuck it, mash-ups make me smile.

Finally, just like Radiohead's - In Rainbows, Bloc Party released their new album as a column-inch tempting download before the physcial release. I didn't bother downloading either but having been pleasantly surprised that the 'heads release more than lived up to the hype once I'd got hold of a CD I'm also hoping that Kele and the crew have surpassed themselves with 'Intimacy'.

The weekends nearly here - at least I've got plenty of records to keep me going if the weather remains as shitty as its been all week.

Take it easy

Steve

'cause lists ain't just for shopping

This last couple of weeks I've been excitedly rifling through the hundreds of responses to our albums of the year poll. A whole mixture of emotions have entered my consciousness whilst delving through your choices: surprise, interest, concern and disbelief (two of you voted for McFly's new album for crying out loud....you know who you are), but what has become apparent is that you're a mixed bag out there. Whilst I was pretty sure there would be a whole load of traditional indie lovers casting their votes I was amazed at how diverse your tastes were. From the psychedelic warp-funk of MGMT (not one of my favourites but a big hit with a lot of you) and the neo-soul grunge of The Gutter Twins through to the epic commerciality of Coldplay its obvious that our beloved customers know their music. So well done.

For the record, these are my choices. I'm open to a bit of criticism but lets be frank here....I am right about all 10.

1. No Age - Nouns (Sub Pop): Droney noise, exquisite melodies...together?!...sounds like madness but is actually almost perfect. No need to wait for a new My Bloody Valentine LP. Their successors are already here.

2. Jeroan Drive - The Stones Remain In Silence (Yesterdays Gone): The Scandinavians know how to produce great post-hardcore and since the demise of JR Ewing I've been waiting for another band to blow away the cobwebs and clutter in my brain. Jeroan Drive are that band....absolutely awesome.

3. TV On The Radio - Dear Science, (4AD): What can you say, this band just get better and better. More than just the avant-garde barber shop outfit they are often pegged as 'Dear Science,' proves just why 'radio leader David Sitek is producer du jour these days.

4. Fleet Foxes - Fleet Foxes (Bella Union): Sounded a bit too religious to these ears on first listen but after another couple of spins the hooks just took over causing my consciousness to swim in a gorgeous sea of melody. Not as good as last years Band Of Horses album but still pretty damn sublime.

5. Melvins - Nude With Boots (Ipecac): The opening riff to 'The Kicking Machine' is one of the coolest fucking things I've heard all year. Spine tingled, devil horns raised and plentiful gurning achieved. Since they drafted in Big Business as their rythmn section Melvins have become untouchable.

6. Be Your Own Pet - Get Awkward (XL): They've split up, which saddens me more than the death of a family pet, but we still have two albums of frantic punk-pop to remember them with. Their second album delved deeper into melody so fingers crossed for Jemina's swift return.

7. Helms Alee - Night Terror (Hydra Head): Three part male-female vocals (sounds nice) - but wait - what's this heavy as hell fuzzed up drone - interesting...and then there's the melodies (which are consistently perfect). An album to confound, confuse but ultimately just love. 

8. Kings Of Leon - Only By The Night (Columbia): I'm not one for going for the obvious but the fourth album from KOL is, without a doubt, their best to-date. 'Use Somebody' may sound suspiciouly like Razorlight but you can forgive them when the rest of the album is just so darn good.

9. Late Of The Pier - Fantasy Black Channel (Parlophone): Just for the line "suicide is in my blood/it always was/It doesn't evaporate in the light anymore" which is one of my favourite opening lines ever. The rest of the albums lives up to it as well.

10. Neon Neon - Stainless Style (Lex): Gruff SFA, Har Mar, Boom Bip, Yo Majesty to name just a few of the collobrators on this re-imagining of the John DeLorean story. Every song is a killer but the genius of "I Told Her On Alderaan" is the standout.

Special mentions also to: Fuck Buttons, flu.ID, Blitzen Trapper, The Gutter Twins, Fucked Up, One Day As A Lion, Los Campesinos!, The Raconteurs, Teenagers, Santogold, Dananananaykroyd (what a great name), Rolo Tomassi, Portishead, Mogwai, Foals, Beck, Weezer, The Mae Shi, The Streets and Boris .

To vote for your favourite albums of the year just head here

First blog over and done with....over to you

Steve